I have recently split up with my girlfriend of four years. While we were together, she was slightly controlling, but overall the relationship was OK.
However, since the break-up she won’t leave me alone, bombarding me constantly with messages and phone calls. She even turns up at my house unannounced, demanding to speak to me.
I just want all this to be over so I can move on with my life, but I can’t see any end to it at the moment. I’m done with it, but she won’t give up.
What should I do?
T SAYS: The split is recent, so she’s still hurting and clearly doesn’t want to accept what’s happened or that you’re already getting over her.
If she’s controlling by nature, then she’ll also be finding it hard to accept she’s lost control of the situation and that you’re not chasing after her – hence her turning up on your doorstep. It’s like she’s saying, “I’ll decide when it’s really over!”
I think the best thing to do is to stay strong and if she shows up at your house, be clear that there’s nothing more to discuss and don’t let her in. In fact, she can turn up every day, but it won’t change how you feel. And don’t respond to texts and phone calls.
There’s no need to be unpleasant, but it’s important not to give her any hope to cling on to that you might get back together. The way she’s behaving is hard to keep up long term, so I do think she’ll realise it’s pointless and she’ll stop bombarding you. Right now her emotions are still raw.